I'm stealing these words from another blogger because what she says is how I feel but I can't quite grasp it and explain it to others....After 6 losses and 1 failed IVF I'm really done.
At times I've thought (and feared that others think this, too): "What is wrong with me? Why don't I have enough desire to keep going?" I mean, every parent I know says that their children are their greatest joys. And yet, every moment of that IVF I felt like "The Ten Year Pursuit" has just gone on too long and it just hasn't felt right to live my life like that anymore. I have felt angry that after all of this, I have to now face not having the desire any more (and all that that entails.)
I need to re-invent my life and start from scratch. I don't necessarily want to. I don't have the energy for it. Up until now, my whole life has been geared towards "one day having a child." I took certain jobs and did things based on the idea that one day, I would be a mother.
Well, in the beginning, I started out just going through the motions of this new chapter as I wasn't feeling so excited about change. But as I've gone through the motions, more excitement and motivation has come.
From A Blog About Love. See more of Mara's writing...http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2014/03/what-ive-been-doing-to-heal.html#more
The problem is that I feel all of this but my partner doesn't..whomp whomp. I'm so ready to move and experience new things and find joy again. And I have done that and I"m excited about starting a new journey.
